iWouldn't Lie
by CookieDoughGirl
Summary: Songfic to I'd Lie, by Taylor Swift, but in the most Sam-ish way possible. Sam's thoughts about it, in relation to Freddie. Matchmaker!Melanie.


**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or the song I'd Lie**

Next week is my birthday, my _favorite_ day of the year. If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Melanie sends me her gift early, because according to her, you never know. I open it unexcitedly, expecting another boring book. To my surprise, it's a PearPod, with a few songs already on it! There's a playlist labeled "You and Freddie". What the hell is she thinking?! I ignore the playlist until a few months later, when I can't fall asleep. Sighing, I turn on the first song, and wait for it to begin.

_I don't think that passenger seat  
Has ever looked this good to me  
He tells me about his night  
And I count the colors in his eyes_

Since when did he drive, anyway? And anyway, if he _did_ drive, Carly would be in the front, not me. I don't want to get covered in dork.

And by the way, I do_ not_stare into his eyes. And I don't give a damn about his night.  
_  
He'll never fall in love  
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair  
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong  
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind  
He tells a joke, I fake a smile  
That I know all his favorite songs_

That's ridiculous. It's a well known fact that he's been in love with Carly since they met. What does it matter to me if he's in love, anyway? I would be laughing, true, but it would be because he's saying that after declaring his unconditional love for Carly. Besides, I don't pretend to like his stupid tech jokes, and whoever insulted me by claiming I did is gonna pay. Since when do I pay attention to his dorky songs? I guess there are a few I like, but that's all.

_And I could tell you  
His favorite color's green  
He loves to argue  
Born on the seventeenth  
His sister's beautiful  
He has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him  
I'd lie_

His favorite color's blue, anyone could tell you that! He has a blue backpack, and he's always wearing blue, especially his favorite striped blue polo. Seriously, stripes- out of all things!

I'm not going to deny that he loves to argue. That's pretty easy to figure out after spending two minutes with us.

And his birthday's in Feburary, for god's sake! It's on the 4th! Now _my_birthday's on the 17th, which sucks because if it was just a week earlier, it might fall over spring break.

_He looks around the room  
Innocently overlooks the truth  
Shouldn't a light go on  
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long  
And he sees everything black and white  
Never let nobody see him cry  
I don't let nobody see me wishin' he was mine_

What the hell?! What is _with_this chick?! I'm gonna _kill_Melanie.

I don't "have him memorized".

And so what if he _does_see things "black and white," even though I'm not sure exactly what that means. I guess it means straightforward, which he certainly is.

The girl that he is, I'm sure he's fine crying around everyone. I mean, I've never seen him, and I don't think anyone I know has seen him, but still…

_I could tell you  
His favorite color's green  
He loves to argue  
Born on the seventeenth  
His sister's beautiful  
He has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him  
I'd lie_

Since when does he have a sister? If he did, she definitely wouldn't be beautiful. The Bensons don't have the genes for that. On the other hand, if he wants he can have Melanie, unless she's dead, which I still haven't ruled out…

_He stands there, then walks away  
My God, if I could only say  
I'm holding every breath for you_

THIS CHICK IS OFFICIALY_INSANE!_I don't do that! 

_He'd never tell you  
But he can play guitar  
I think he can see through everything but my heart  
First thought when I wake up is  
My God, he's beautiful  
So I put on my make-up  
And pray for a miracle_

He can't play guitar! Now Drake Bell can, but that's beside the point. If he could see through my heart, it wouldn't matter because he wouldn't find anything about him.

Since when did I think he was beautiful? Since when _is_he beautiful? My first thought when I wake up is _I want food_. I don't wear make-up so he'll like me! I'm not sure _why_I put on make-up. I think Carly has something to do with it…

_Yes, I could tell you  
His favorite color's green  
And he loves to argue  
Oh, and it kills me  
His sister's beautiful  
He has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him...  
if you ask me if I love him...  
I'd lie_

I'm telling you, I WOULDN'T LIE! I'd tell him the truth, which is that I hate him. He's a dork, and I'm Sam. Self explanatory.

Sighing, I reach over and flick off the light. Seriously, what is this girl thinking?! I swear, I don't care _where_she lives. I am going to track her down, and let's just say I take after Uncle Carmine.

And Melanie is gonna _pay_. How dare she suggest that this song represents anything close to me and Freddie's relationship. Our relationship is simple, I slap him, he slaps me. Nothing more.

Thinking about this, I drift off to sleep. Three days later, Melanie will wake up with spiders in her drawer. You be the judge.


End file.
